If you look on the left column of my blog you'll see a little ticker counting the days until my new grandbaby arrives! The days are getting close and I'm so excited. Missy and Sammy have decided to name her Emma. I think that is the sweetest name and so old fashioned.
This afternoon is Missy's baby shower and it will be such fun to see all the precious things that she gets for Emma. Nana got her something very special - a keepsake - but I can't share it here yet. I don't want to give the surprise away.
Don't you just love the smell of a baby?? I love to nuzzle my nose in the back of the neck just at their hair line. I've done that with all my kids. I will rock them and nuzzle, breathing in their beautiful baby smell. It's been 11 years since I've been able to do that. I'm getting the rocking chair all warmed up because Emma and I have miles to rock and time spent nuzzling!!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Stephany Update
I feel like all I've been writing on my blog lately are unhappy things. I've always tried to keep it upbeat and happy. But, once again, I am posting asking for your prayers for Stephany.
She was doing very well, started rehab, and I thought things were going along good. But I was being fooled because all this time Stephany has still been using drugs. I knew it in my mind and in my heart but when I would confront her she would tell me lies. Last Monday she was supposed to be at Bible study, left the study to be with friends, and didn't come home all night. Things came to a head today and Stephany ran away from home. This time was different because she left with a full backpack and had planned it. I called the police and they will pick her up if they see her on the street but won't look for her. It's almost 11 pm and I have no idea where my daughter is.
My heart hurts but all I can do is pray for her, for her protection. God knows best and He will see both of us through this time.
She was doing very well, started rehab, and I thought things were going along good. But I was being fooled because all this time Stephany has still been using drugs. I knew it in my mind and in my heart but when I would confront her she would tell me lies. Last Monday she was supposed to be at Bible study, left the study to be with friends, and didn't come home all night. Things came to a head today and Stephany ran away from home. This time was different because she left with a full backpack and had planned it. I called the police and they will pick her up if they see her on the street but won't look for her. It's almost 11 pm and I have no idea where my daughter is.
My heart hurts but all I can do is pray for her, for her protection. God knows best and He will see both of us through this time.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Saying Goodbye
My husband's grandmother is 93 years old. Grandma Jerry has lived in her own apartment until about 4 months ago when she had to go to assisted living. About a week ago Grandma fell in her assisted living apartment and hit her head on a glass coffee table. She was rushed to the hospital and an MRI was done. The doctors discovered a spot where there was blood on her brain. The doctor said that he could do surgery but Grandma would probably not make it through the surgery. Grandma said she did not want the surgery and they sent her home. The doctor said that she could live for a long time if the bleeding did not get worse.
This morning at 6:30 we got a phone call saying Grandma had been rushed to the hospital because she was having pain. As the doctors were taking care of her, she just went to sleep. An immediate MRI was done of her head and there was more blood on her brain and it had started to swell. The doctor said he didn't think she'd make it through the day. This afternoon Grandma was transferred back to the nursing facility and put in the hospice area. Since she has a living will and a DNR, she is now on end of life care.
Steve and Stephany were with Grandma most of the day. I was going over at noon but since they were transferring her to hospice I waited until this evening. Steve and I went over about 6:30 so I could say goodbye. It is always so hard because when you walk in the room the person just doesn't look like themselves. Grandma just looked so small and frail in that hospital bed. I leaned over to whisper in her ear, hoping that she could hear me tell her how much I love her and thanking her for welcoming me into her family 20 years ago. Then I told her to just rest and let go - that it was time for her to go be with Jesus and Grandpa Chet. Steve and I joined hands over her bed and each of us put a hand on her shoulder as we prayed. It was a sweet time of saying goodbye to a lady that has brought so much love and joy into our lives.
As we were leaving I thought about how death can be a peaceful thing. When you're a Christian you know that death isn't the end - it's only the beginning. For me, it makes it easier to say goodbye to a loved one. The tears are still there and so is the sorrow but there is peace. I shall miss my talks with Grandma but I know that we will only be separated for a short time. One day we will have eternity to have talks!!
This morning at 6:30 we got a phone call saying Grandma had been rushed to the hospital because she was having pain. As the doctors were taking care of her, she just went to sleep. An immediate MRI was done of her head and there was more blood on her brain and it had started to swell. The doctor said he didn't think she'd make it through the day. This afternoon Grandma was transferred back to the nursing facility and put in the hospice area. Since she has a living will and a DNR, she is now on end of life care.
Steve and Stephany were with Grandma most of the day. I was going over at noon but since they were transferring her to hospice I waited until this evening. Steve and I went over about 6:30 so I could say goodbye. It is always so hard because when you walk in the room the person just doesn't look like themselves. Grandma just looked so small and frail in that hospital bed. I leaned over to whisper in her ear, hoping that she could hear me tell her how much I love her and thanking her for welcoming me into her family 20 years ago. Then I told her to just rest and let go - that it was time for her to go be with Jesus and Grandpa Chet. Steve and I joined hands over her bed and each of us put a hand on her shoulder as we prayed. It was a sweet time of saying goodbye to a lady that has brought so much love and joy into our lives.
As we were leaving I thought about how death can be a peaceful thing. When you're a Christian you know that death isn't the end - it's only the beginning. For me, it makes it easier to say goodbye to a loved one. The tears are still there and so is the sorrow but there is peace. I shall miss my talks with Grandma but I know that we will only be separated for a short time. One day we will have eternity to have talks!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Progress
I'm making progress with the cold. Still coughing and nose is still a little stuffy but at least I don't feel like death warmed over!
Steph is making some good progress!! Last night she went with some friends, I told her the curfew and she was home one time. I was holding my breath. At some point I will stop holding my breath every time she leaves the house. She got home, came into my room, and sat on the edge of the bed to tell me everything she had done while she was with her friends. This is a HUGE step forward - the first time she's ever done this!! They went to Shari's, bought 3 orders of fries to share, drank cokes, laughed and talked. She told me how much fun she had and that she is having to learn how to have fun without drugs. But she had fun!!! When she left my room I gave a huge thumbs up to God for He is the one that is working the miracles in her life right now.
Her counseling is going great and we got the ok to make our move in June! We will be finding a place for her to go in IL but they felt that the change would actually be a positive thing for her. So in a little over 7 weeks we will be heading east to start our new life. We are both so excited. My garage sale will be 2 weeks from Saturday so I have to get busy pricing and organizing.
Thanks so much for your prayers for Steph and for me. She still has a very long road to go but the changes I have seen in her in the last 2 weeks are really good. It is a day by day process. God is faithful and we are both trusting Him with everything we have!
Steph is making some good progress!! Last night she went with some friends, I told her the curfew and she was home one time. I was holding my breath. At some point I will stop holding my breath every time she leaves the house. She got home, came into my room, and sat on the edge of the bed to tell me everything she had done while she was with her friends. This is a HUGE step forward - the first time she's ever done this!! They went to Shari's, bought 3 orders of fries to share, drank cokes, laughed and talked. She told me how much fun she had and that she is having to learn how to have fun without drugs. But she had fun!!! When she left my room I gave a huge thumbs up to God for He is the one that is working the miracles in her life right now.
Her counseling is going great and we got the ok to make our move in June! We will be finding a place for her to go in IL but they felt that the change would actually be a positive thing for her. So in a little over 7 weeks we will be heading east to start our new life. We are both so excited. My garage sale will be 2 weeks from Saturday so I have to get busy pricing and organizing.
Thanks so much for your prayers for Steph and for me. She still has a very long road to go but the changes I have seen in her in the last 2 weeks are really good. It is a day by day process. God is faithful and we are both trusting Him with everything we have!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Under the Weather
Cold 1, Me 0 - enough said! Be back as soon as I quit coughing and blowing my nose every 30 seconds!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Sometimes It Hurts To Be A Mom
When I brought my beautiful daughters home from the hospital I was so full of love, hope and joy. I looked at that little child in my arms and dreamed of what their future would be. My children are God's children first and He has entrusted them to me as their steward while they are here on this earth. I read His manual for how to parent, I prayed for them, and loved on them. I am so blessed that both of my girls have accepted the Lord. Missy, being my quiet one, came to know Jesus in her own private way. I had the privilege of praying with Stephany when she accepted the Lord at 5 years of age. When Stephany was 9 she made the decision to be baptized. This is the little girl that would come home from school so excited that she had prayed with someone on the playground at school and witnessed to them of the Lord.
I always thought that because my girls know Jesus personally they would somehow be "protected" from the things of the world. I know that is absolutely not true and I have been humbled because some of those terrible things of the world have entered my home. This is horribly hard for me to write, and embarrassing, but I feel that I have to. My blog is a place of release for me and, I hope, a blessing for others. These are things that I need to write about so that maybe the pain will somehow leave my body and soul for a bit.
Stephany has been struggling with anxiety and depression since she was in the 7th grade. Some of that is the fault of both of her parents who have had a bad marriage. Some of it is the fault of a dad who loves his daughter but is not an involved parent. But her problems are not all the fault of me or her dad. Some are problems of her own choosing. I have a former friend who would tell me on a daily basis that I just needed to be harder on Stephany. That I needed to be a firmer disciplinarian. You don't know how hard I have tried - and on my own because her dad refuses to be involved in that area. I have grounded her, taken away the cell phone, restricted computer use, and any other thing that I could think of to remove as a form of punishment. I know that this former friend probably still reads my blog. I'm sure that she will delight in some small way that what she has "predicted" for my daughter has finally come true. She has a son who has always attended Christian school, is on fire for the Lord, and never gives her many problems. This is the reason that we are no longer friends - I just could not take listening to another minute of having my daughter and her son compared and me being told I'm not hard enough on my daughter. But I also remember that my pastor and his wife went through the very same thing with their daughter that I am going through, maybe some worse things, and I know that they were good parents.
But when you're walking through this hard time with your child you begin to doubt yourself. I have come to realize that I am a good parent. I have been praying and fighting for my daughter every day since she's been born. Now I just need to say the words although it's hurts me so much. Stephany has become involved with drugs. It started with marijuana and has now progressed to experimentation with cocaine and ecstasy. There have been other issues that go along with this - stealing money from her dad to buy drugs, sneaking out of the house at all hours, taking all of her Christmas and birthday money to buy drugs, lying, and on and on.
What could I have done to prevent this? Probably not much. I have done everything that I know how to do as a parent. Stephany has been in church since she was 5 days old and has been raised in a Christian home. She has never seen these things in our home and has always been told how bad they are. Her father is a recovering alcoholic - sober for 21 years - so we don't even have alcohol in our home. But the bent towards addiction is hereditary - that is a medical fact - and Stephany inherited that bent. It also runs on my side of the family. That, coupled with her anxiety and low self-esteem, have pushed her to try things to make her "feel" better.
My daughter is a beautiful girl inside and out. She is a child of God and He loves her more than I do. She is smart, funny, kind, and compassionate. Right now she is walking in a dark valley. But the bright side - Praise God - is that Stephany is willing to go to rehab and counseling. She wants to be better and wants to turn her life around. She knows that Jesus is the only answer. She tells me that she wants to be better but doesn't know how. That is why we are getting professional help for her. Next Thursday Stephany will be going into drug rehab. Right now we don't know if it will be outpatient or inpatient. She is willing to do either to get better. Stephany and I were moving to IL in June. For now, those plans have had to be put on hold. We are staying here so that she can get the help that she needs. When the professionals say that it is ok to go, then we will move. I know there might be set backs for Stephany. I know parents who go through this with their kids their whole lives. I am praying that is not that case.
We have a long road ahead of us - especially Stephany. My comfort is that I know that Jesus is walking with us and holding our hands. If I wasn't sure of that I don't know if I could walk much further. Please keep Stephany in your prayers. I need them too. We will be able to feel them and will draw strength from them. I know that God has great things in store for Stephany. God will use this time in our lives as a testimony to His glory. God is good and He is so faithful. I was listening to a song on the radio yesterday - "I Will Praise You in this Storm". I am praising God in this storm. I know that the sun will be peaking through the clouds again. I am hanging onto that hope.
I always thought that because my girls know Jesus personally they would somehow be "protected" from the things of the world. I know that is absolutely not true and I have been humbled because some of those terrible things of the world have entered my home. This is horribly hard for me to write, and embarrassing, but I feel that I have to. My blog is a place of release for me and, I hope, a blessing for others. These are things that I need to write about so that maybe the pain will somehow leave my body and soul for a bit.
Stephany has been struggling with anxiety and depression since she was in the 7th grade. Some of that is the fault of both of her parents who have had a bad marriage. Some of it is the fault of a dad who loves his daughter but is not an involved parent. But her problems are not all the fault of me or her dad. Some are problems of her own choosing. I have a former friend who would tell me on a daily basis that I just needed to be harder on Stephany. That I needed to be a firmer disciplinarian. You don't know how hard I have tried - and on my own because her dad refuses to be involved in that area. I have grounded her, taken away the cell phone, restricted computer use, and any other thing that I could think of to remove as a form of punishment. I know that this former friend probably still reads my blog. I'm sure that she will delight in some small way that what she has "predicted" for my daughter has finally come true. She has a son who has always attended Christian school, is on fire for the Lord, and never gives her many problems. This is the reason that we are no longer friends - I just could not take listening to another minute of having my daughter and her son compared and me being told I'm not hard enough on my daughter. But I also remember that my pastor and his wife went through the very same thing with their daughter that I am going through, maybe some worse things, and I know that they were good parents.
But when you're walking through this hard time with your child you begin to doubt yourself. I have come to realize that I am a good parent. I have been praying and fighting for my daughter every day since she's been born. Now I just need to say the words although it's hurts me so much. Stephany has become involved with drugs. It started with marijuana and has now progressed to experimentation with cocaine and ecstasy. There have been other issues that go along with this - stealing money from her dad to buy drugs, sneaking out of the house at all hours, taking all of her Christmas and birthday money to buy drugs, lying, and on and on.
What could I have done to prevent this? Probably not much. I have done everything that I know how to do as a parent. Stephany has been in church since she was 5 days old and has been raised in a Christian home. She has never seen these things in our home and has always been told how bad they are. Her father is a recovering alcoholic - sober for 21 years - so we don't even have alcohol in our home. But the bent towards addiction is hereditary - that is a medical fact - and Stephany inherited that bent. It also runs on my side of the family. That, coupled with her anxiety and low self-esteem, have pushed her to try things to make her "feel" better.
My daughter is a beautiful girl inside and out. She is a child of God and He loves her more than I do. She is smart, funny, kind, and compassionate. Right now she is walking in a dark valley. But the bright side - Praise God - is that Stephany is willing to go to rehab and counseling. She wants to be better and wants to turn her life around. She knows that Jesus is the only answer. She tells me that she wants to be better but doesn't know how. That is why we are getting professional help for her. Next Thursday Stephany will be going into drug rehab. Right now we don't know if it will be outpatient or inpatient. She is willing to do either to get better. Stephany and I were moving to IL in June. For now, those plans have had to be put on hold. We are staying here so that she can get the help that she needs. When the professionals say that it is ok to go, then we will move. I know there might be set backs for Stephany. I know parents who go through this with their kids their whole lives. I am praying that is not that case.
We have a long road ahead of us - especially Stephany. My comfort is that I know that Jesus is walking with us and holding our hands. If I wasn't sure of that I don't know if I could walk much further. Please keep Stephany in your prayers. I need them too. We will be able to feel them and will draw strength from them. I know that God has great things in store for Stephany. God will use this time in our lives as a testimony to His glory. God is good and He is so faithful. I was listening to a song on the radio yesterday - "I Will Praise You in this Storm". I am praising God in this storm. I know that the sun will be peaking through the clouds again. I am hanging onto that hope.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
It's A Girl!
I went with Missy last Monday for her 20 week ultrasound. The baby is perfect, healthy and a girl! We are all so excited. I'm not sure what the name will be as they have a couple picked out. Emma is one choice (which I love) or Amelia. Now I can start sewing girly things and making tutus. Our little sweetheart will arrive sometime in the middle of August.
I've been sick in bed for the past week with a horrible sore throat and just feeling rotten. I finally had enough and went to the doctor today. I have tonsillitis! I've never had that in my life. I did get some antibiotics so hopefully will be feeling much better in the next couple of days.
Spring is really here and also the on again, off again showers. We had a couple of gorgeous sunny days last week - love the sun!
I'm having a garage sale the middle of April so I need to get busy marking things. I have lots of books, magazines, fabric, craft items, vintage dishes, and some vintage furniture pieces that I purchased to refinish. I never got around to them so someone else can take them home for a redo! I'm also selling lots of kitchen items including a vintage blender and a food processor. Hopefully our Illinois Fund will increase in size by the time it's all over.
I've been sick in bed for the past week with a horrible sore throat and just feeling rotten. I finally had enough and went to the doctor today. I have tonsillitis! I've never had that in my life. I did get some antibiotics so hopefully will be feeling much better in the next couple of days.
Spring is really here and also the on again, off again showers. We had a couple of gorgeous sunny days last week - love the sun!
I'm having a garage sale the middle of April so I need to get busy marking things. I have lots of books, magazines, fabric, craft items, vintage dishes, and some vintage furniture pieces that I purchased to refinish. I never got around to them so someone else can take them home for a redo! I'm also selling lots of kitchen items including a vintage blender and a food processor. Hopefully our Illinois Fund will increase in size by the time it's all over.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Spring Is Finally Here!!
It's not officially the first day of Spring but it's arrived in our part of the country! The trees are blooming and there are daffodils everywhere! The bright yellow just makes me so happy and makes me feel good.Steph and I were driving to her doctor's appointment this afternoon and saw a whole bunch of daffodils by the road. I told her that I think God makes them bloom early in Spring so that we can be cheered after a long, gray winter. It's just a taste of things to come and He made it all for our enjoyment!
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