It has been a busy summer and now is turning into a busy Fall!! Steph is enrolled in school and will start on Monday. She is going to Summit View High School which is an alternative school in the Battle Ground District. We had her orientation last week and I am so impressed with the school!
She goes to school two days a week from 1 to 4 and then the rest of the time is independent study. She has one on one time with each of her teachers for up to an hour. That is exactly what she needs and this will help her get back on track. She has lots of credits to make up but that's ok. At least she wants to go to school now!
Our life has settled into a happy routine and is much more calm now - if that's possible with a teenager in the house. We still take it one day at a time but each day is a blessing. I have been so wrapped up in Stephany for so long that I'm having to learn to do things for me again. I started attending Al Anon and I know that is a start. The soap shelves are totally bare and it's time for me to get busy with that again. It's soon to be bazaar season and I plan on doing several this year. I need to get my creative juices flowing again.
Emma has brought so much joy into our family! I love to go visit and just hold her. There is nothing better than that sweet baby smell. Missy brought her over last Saturday for her first visit to Nana's house and I even got a smile!
Christien started Middle School last week and seems to like it really well. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he is old enough to be in Middle School!!!
God is so good and so faithful!!! I see His mercy every day when I look into the clear, bright, happy eyes of my daughter!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Welcome Emma!
My beautiful granddaughter Emma was born on July 26th!! She is a tiny little thing and only weighed 5 lbs when she was born but she and her mama are doing fine!! She now weighs 5 lbs 11 ozs. Emma is like a breath of fresh air in our family and we have all needed that.
The same day that Emma was born we left for Yakima for 3 days of family therapy at Stephany's treatment facility. I wanted to wait at the hospital to meet my new grandbaby and she waited until 6:17 pm to arrive. I held her for 5 minutes and then left because we had a 4 hour drive ahead of us.
The therapy went very well and Steph's dad and I were able to tell all the things that her use has done to us and to our family. One thing that we learned is that our whole family has been sick - not just her. It was a very helpful 3 days and opened our eyes to many things. Especially that we are not alone in this as the room was filled with 20 other families going through the very same thing. My heart just broke for the families - many were adult patients who had a wife or husband attending as the family member.
Steph graduated from her treatment on August 5th and is now back home. She has had 38 days of sobriety and is doing so well. She attends 3 outpatient groups a week and has been going to AA meetings. That has been her decision and is a huge step in her recovery. There is still a long way for her to go but we take it one day at a time!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
It's Been A Month Since I've Written???
A month is way too long to go without writing on my blog. I could make the usual excuses of being busy with summer gardening, canning, etc - not the case. It's been a very painful and emotional month for me and for Stephany. It has been one of the hardest periods of my life. I had to be able to find the right words to post on my blog.
If you are a regular reader then you know the struggles we have been going through with Stephany's drug use. She started outpatient treatment and things were going along pretty well for about a week. Then it went from bad to worse. After the last time that she ran away she quit smoking pot only to replace it with alcohol.
I talked to Steph's outpatient leader and we both agreed that she needed to go to inpatient treatment. Stephany agreed that she needed to go and on July 8th she checked into a facility near Yakima, WA. I had to spend two days there in parent meetings and both of us had to meet with psyhcologists. During that time Steph said she wasn't staying - I think she realized she wasn't going to be on vacation. In the state of Washington a child can make their own decisions about that kind of thing. She cried, begged, and pleaded. She got mad and lashed out at me. On Friday we had to meet with a counselor at 12:30 and when we were signing paperwork Steph looked at me and said "I assume by signing all these papers that means I'm staying." I just said a very matter of fact "yes." She was so angry with me that she would hardly tell me goodbye. We hugged and I walked out of the room and out of the door of the facility. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Steph has been there 2 weeks and has had some very rough days. She could have no contact with us for the first 7 days. That is a very good thing as that is a crucial time for a new patient. I was able to write to her and have sent her a letter every day. We got to talk for the first time last Thursday and I was amazed at how good she sounded. On Friday she had a very bad day and they let her call me. She said she wanted to quit and come home. I told her to give it through the weekend and we would talk on Sunday evening. When we talked on Sunday I could hear a strength in her voice that I haven't heard in a very long time. She said that she was staying because she was going to complete something that she committed to. That is a major step and something that hasn't happened for a couple of years.
Steph said that she is learning so much from the lectures, videos, and the AA meetings that she attends. She has to go to 2 meetings a week and really likes them.
But all of this has not happened by chance. It is God!!! So many people have been praying for her and I have made sure to let her know that. I have been in constant prayer for her. She is working hard and He is giving her the strength. Next Tuesday we have to go to her treatment facility to spend 3 days with her in family counseling. I am sure this is going to be a hard time as it is probably going to open lots of wounds. But sometimes the wounds have to opened to let the poison out so that they can heal.
It has taken me two weeks just to let go of much of the stress that I have been feeling for months. There has been so much turmoil in our home. I can put my head on the pillow at night and not have to worry about where she is.
Steph will get out of treatment on August 5th. I know that coming home is going to be hard because the temptations will be here. But I also know that God is faithful to her and to me. He will walk her through this journey. She may have a relapse. I pray she doesn't. But if she does I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I have to let go and let God work on her. He knows the plan. I just have to go along with it.
If you are a regular reader then you know the struggles we have been going through with Stephany's drug use. She started outpatient treatment and things were going along pretty well for about a week. Then it went from bad to worse. After the last time that she ran away she quit smoking pot only to replace it with alcohol.
I talked to Steph's outpatient leader and we both agreed that she needed to go to inpatient treatment. Stephany agreed that she needed to go and on July 8th she checked into a facility near Yakima, WA. I had to spend two days there in parent meetings and both of us had to meet with psyhcologists. During that time Steph said she wasn't staying - I think she realized she wasn't going to be on vacation. In the state of Washington a child can make their own decisions about that kind of thing. She cried, begged, and pleaded. She got mad and lashed out at me. On Friday we had to meet with a counselor at 12:30 and when we were signing paperwork Steph looked at me and said "I assume by signing all these papers that means I'm staying." I just said a very matter of fact "yes." She was so angry with me that she would hardly tell me goodbye. We hugged and I walked out of the room and out of the door of the facility. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Steph has been there 2 weeks and has had some very rough days. She could have no contact with us for the first 7 days. That is a very good thing as that is a crucial time for a new patient. I was able to write to her and have sent her a letter every day. We got to talk for the first time last Thursday and I was amazed at how good she sounded. On Friday she had a very bad day and they let her call me. She said she wanted to quit and come home. I told her to give it through the weekend and we would talk on Sunday evening. When we talked on Sunday I could hear a strength in her voice that I haven't heard in a very long time. She said that she was staying because she was going to complete something that she committed to. That is a major step and something that hasn't happened for a couple of years.
Steph said that she is learning so much from the lectures, videos, and the AA meetings that she attends. She has to go to 2 meetings a week and really likes them.
But all of this has not happened by chance. It is God!!! So many people have been praying for her and I have made sure to let her know that. I have been in constant prayer for her. She is working hard and He is giving her the strength. Next Tuesday we have to go to her treatment facility to spend 3 days with her in family counseling. I am sure this is going to be a hard time as it is probably going to open lots of wounds. But sometimes the wounds have to opened to let the poison out so that they can heal.
It has taken me two weeks just to let go of much of the stress that I have been feeling for months. There has been so much turmoil in our home. I can put my head on the pillow at night and not have to worry about where she is.
Steph will get out of treatment on August 5th. I know that coming home is going to be hard because the temptations will be here. But I also know that God is faithful to her and to me. He will walk her through this journey. She may have a relapse. I pray she doesn't. But if she does I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I have to let go and let God work on her. He knows the plan. I just have to go along with it.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Melvin Baines was, and still is, my hero. He wasn't a perfect dad and made lots of mistakes in his life. He only had an 8th grade education and wasn't a polished man. Dad wanted to go to high school but it was during the Depression. His family had a farm outside Farmersville, IL and needed his help. He quit school to work on the family farm.
Dad proudly served his country in WWII and it was one of the greatest accomplishments of his life. He left his wife and 3 month old son to go to Okinawa Japan for 2 years. Daddy was one of the hardest working men I have ever known. He was a diesel mechanic by trade. I remember many cold IL winter nights when he would get called out to work on a truck that had broken down. He would lay in the snow by the side of the highway to fix this truck to earn money for his family.
What I remember the most is the unconditional love he had for all 3 of his children. He supported and loved us no matter what. When I was a senior in high school and had to tell my dad that I was having a baby he never criticized or got mad. All he said was "I love you girl and I will support you and the baby no matter what." That's just how he was.
In later years. when I moved to Washington, we would visit by phone. We talked every Saturday morning to catch up. I loved those phone calls. He always had a funny story to tell about one of the grandkids and a joke to tell me. What I wouldn't give for one more phone call so we could visit.
I am very lucky to have had him for my dad. I love you Daddy and I miss you so much!! Happy Father's Day!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Back Home
Stephany is back home. She came back on Monday. It's been a rough few days but hopefully she's back on the right track. She goes tomorrow to meet with her group leader to discuss in-patient treatment. We all think that may be the best thing for her right now.
Thank you for your kind words and your prayers! They mean the world to both of us.
Thank you for your kind words and your prayers! They mean the world to both of us.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Getting Closer
If you look on the left column of my blog you'll see a little ticker counting the days until my new grandbaby arrives! The days are getting close and I'm so excited. Missy and Sammy have decided to name her Emma. I think that is the sweetest name and so old fashioned.
This afternoon is Missy's baby shower and it will be such fun to see all the precious things that she gets for Emma. Nana got her something very special - a keepsake - but I can't share it here yet. I don't want to give the surprise away.
Don't you just love the smell of a baby?? I love to nuzzle my nose in the back of the neck just at their hair line. I've done that with all my kids. I will rock them and nuzzle, breathing in their beautiful baby smell. It's been 11 years since I've been able to do that. I'm getting the rocking chair all warmed up because Emma and I have miles to rock and time spent nuzzling!!
This afternoon is Missy's baby shower and it will be such fun to see all the precious things that she gets for Emma. Nana got her something very special - a keepsake - but I can't share it here yet. I don't want to give the surprise away.
Don't you just love the smell of a baby?? I love to nuzzle my nose in the back of the neck just at their hair line. I've done that with all my kids. I will rock them and nuzzle, breathing in their beautiful baby smell. It's been 11 years since I've been able to do that. I'm getting the rocking chair all warmed up because Emma and I have miles to rock and time spent nuzzling!!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Stephany Update
I feel like all I've been writing on my blog lately are unhappy things. I've always tried to keep it upbeat and happy. But, once again, I am posting asking for your prayers for Stephany.
She was doing very well, started rehab, and I thought things were going along good. But I was being fooled because all this time Stephany has still been using drugs. I knew it in my mind and in my heart but when I would confront her she would tell me lies. Last Monday she was supposed to be at Bible study, left the study to be with friends, and didn't come home all night. Things came to a head today and Stephany ran away from home. This time was different because she left with a full backpack and had planned it. I called the police and they will pick her up if they see her on the street but won't look for her. It's almost 11 pm and I have no idea where my daughter is.
My heart hurts but all I can do is pray for her, for her protection. God knows best and He will see both of us through this time.
She was doing very well, started rehab, and I thought things were going along good. But I was being fooled because all this time Stephany has still been using drugs. I knew it in my mind and in my heart but when I would confront her she would tell me lies. Last Monday she was supposed to be at Bible study, left the study to be with friends, and didn't come home all night. Things came to a head today and Stephany ran away from home. This time was different because she left with a full backpack and had planned it. I called the police and they will pick her up if they see her on the street but won't look for her. It's almost 11 pm and I have no idea where my daughter is.
My heart hurts but all I can do is pray for her, for her protection. God knows best and He will see both of us through this time.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Saying Goodbye
My husband's grandmother is 93 years old. Grandma Jerry has lived in her own apartment until about 4 months ago when she had to go to assisted living. About a week ago Grandma fell in her assisted living apartment and hit her head on a glass coffee table. She was rushed to the hospital and an MRI was done. The doctors discovered a spot where there was blood on her brain. The doctor said that he could do surgery but Grandma would probably not make it through the surgery. Grandma said she did not want the surgery and they sent her home. The doctor said that she could live for a long time if the bleeding did not get worse.
This morning at 6:30 we got a phone call saying Grandma had been rushed to the hospital because she was having pain. As the doctors were taking care of her, she just went to sleep. An immediate MRI was done of her head and there was more blood on her brain and it had started to swell. The doctor said he didn't think she'd make it through the day. This afternoon Grandma was transferred back to the nursing facility and put in the hospice area. Since she has a living will and a DNR, she is now on end of life care.
Steve and Stephany were with Grandma most of the day. I was going over at noon but since they were transferring her to hospice I waited until this evening. Steve and I went over about 6:30 so I could say goodbye. It is always so hard because when you walk in the room the person just doesn't look like themselves. Grandma just looked so small and frail in that hospital bed. I leaned over to whisper in her ear, hoping that she could hear me tell her how much I love her and thanking her for welcoming me into her family 20 years ago. Then I told her to just rest and let go - that it was time for her to go be with Jesus and Grandpa Chet. Steve and I joined hands over her bed and each of us put a hand on her shoulder as we prayed. It was a sweet time of saying goodbye to a lady that has brought so much love and joy into our lives.
As we were leaving I thought about how death can be a peaceful thing. When you're a Christian you know that death isn't the end - it's only the beginning. For me, it makes it easier to say goodbye to a loved one. The tears are still there and so is the sorrow but there is peace. I shall miss my talks with Grandma but I know that we will only be separated for a short time. One day we will have eternity to have talks!!
This morning at 6:30 we got a phone call saying Grandma had been rushed to the hospital because she was having pain. As the doctors were taking care of her, she just went to sleep. An immediate MRI was done of her head and there was more blood on her brain and it had started to swell. The doctor said he didn't think she'd make it through the day. This afternoon Grandma was transferred back to the nursing facility and put in the hospice area. Since she has a living will and a DNR, she is now on end of life care.
Steve and Stephany were with Grandma most of the day. I was going over at noon but since they were transferring her to hospice I waited until this evening. Steve and I went over about 6:30 so I could say goodbye. It is always so hard because when you walk in the room the person just doesn't look like themselves. Grandma just looked so small and frail in that hospital bed. I leaned over to whisper in her ear, hoping that she could hear me tell her how much I love her and thanking her for welcoming me into her family 20 years ago. Then I told her to just rest and let go - that it was time for her to go be with Jesus and Grandpa Chet. Steve and I joined hands over her bed and each of us put a hand on her shoulder as we prayed. It was a sweet time of saying goodbye to a lady that has brought so much love and joy into our lives.
As we were leaving I thought about how death can be a peaceful thing. When you're a Christian you know that death isn't the end - it's only the beginning. For me, it makes it easier to say goodbye to a loved one. The tears are still there and so is the sorrow but there is peace. I shall miss my talks with Grandma but I know that we will only be separated for a short time. One day we will have eternity to have talks!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Progress
I'm making progress with the cold. Still coughing and nose is still a little stuffy but at least I don't feel like death warmed over!
Steph is making some good progress!! Last night she went with some friends, I told her the curfew and she was home one time. I was holding my breath. At some point I will stop holding my breath every time she leaves the house. She got home, came into my room, and sat on the edge of the bed to tell me everything she had done while she was with her friends. This is a HUGE step forward - the first time she's ever done this!! They went to Shari's, bought 3 orders of fries to share, drank cokes, laughed and talked. She told me how much fun she had and that she is having to learn how to have fun without drugs. But she had fun!!! When she left my room I gave a huge thumbs up to God for He is the one that is working the miracles in her life right now.
Her counseling is going great and we got the ok to make our move in June! We will be finding a place for her to go in IL but they felt that the change would actually be a positive thing for her. So in a little over 7 weeks we will be heading east to start our new life. We are both so excited. My garage sale will be 2 weeks from Saturday so I have to get busy pricing and organizing.
Thanks so much for your prayers for Steph and for me. She still has a very long road to go but the changes I have seen in her in the last 2 weeks are really good. It is a day by day process. God is faithful and we are both trusting Him with everything we have!
Steph is making some good progress!! Last night she went with some friends, I told her the curfew and she was home one time. I was holding my breath. At some point I will stop holding my breath every time she leaves the house. She got home, came into my room, and sat on the edge of the bed to tell me everything she had done while she was with her friends. This is a HUGE step forward - the first time she's ever done this!! They went to Shari's, bought 3 orders of fries to share, drank cokes, laughed and talked. She told me how much fun she had and that she is having to learn how to have fun without drugs. But she had fun!!! When she left my room I gave a huge thumbs up to God for He is the one that is working the miracles in her life right now.
Her counseling is going great and we got the ok to make our move in June! We will be finding a place for her to go in IL but they felt that the change would actually be a positive thing for her. So in a little over 7 weeks we will be heading east to start our new life. We are both so excited. My garage sale will be 2 weeks from Saturday so I have to get busy pricing and organizing.
Thanks so much for your prayers for Steph and for me. She still has a very long road to go but the changes I have seen in her in the last 2 weeks are really good. It is a day by day process. God is faithful and we are both trusting Him with everything we have!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Under the Weather
Cold 1, Me 0 - enough said! Be back as soon as I quit coughing and blowing my nose every 30 seconds!
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