A month is way too long to go without writing on my blog. I could make the usual excuses of being busy with summer gardening, canning, etc - not the case. It's been a very painful and emotional month for me and for Stephany. It has been one of the hardest periods of my life. I had to be able to find the right words to post on my blog.
If you are a regular reader then you know the struggles we have been going through with Stephany's drug use. She started outpatient treatment and things were going along pretty well for about a week. Then it went from bad to worse. After the last time that she ran away she quit smoking pot only to replace it with alcohol.
I talked to Steph's outpatient leader and we both agreed that she needed to go to inpatient treatment. Stephany agreed that she needed to go and on July 8th she checked into a facility near Yakima, WA. I had to spend two days there in parent meetings and both of us had to meet with psyhcologists. During that time Steph said she wasn't staying - I think she realized she wasn't going to be on vacation. In the state of Washington a child can make their own decisions about that kind of thing. She cried, begged, and pleaded. She got mad and lashed out at me. On Friday we had to meet with a counselor at 12:30 and when we were signing paperwork Steph looked at me and said "I assume by signing all these papers that means I'm staying." I just said a very matter of fact "yes." She was so angry with me that she would hardly tell me goodbye. We hugged and I walked out of the room and out of the door of the facility. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Steph has been there 2 weeks and has had some very rough days. She could have no contact with us for the first 7 days. That is a very good thing as that is a crucial time for a new patient. I was able to write to her and have sent her a letter every day. We got to talk for the first time last Thursday and I was amazed at how good she sounded. On Friday she had a very bad day and they let her call me. She said she wanted to quit and come home. I told her to give it through the weekend and we would talk on Sunday evening. When we talked on Sunday I could hear a strength in her voice that I haven't heard in a very long time. She said that she was staying because she was going to complete something that she committed to. That is a major step and something that hasn't happened for a couple of years.
Steph said that she is learning so much from the lectures, videos, and the AA meetings that she attends. She has to go to 2 meetings a week and really likes them.
But all of this has not happened by chance. It is God!!! So many people have been praying for her and I have made sure to let her know that. I have been in constant prayer for her. She is working hard and He is giving her the strength. Next Tuesday we have to go to her treatment facility to spend 3 days with her in family counseling. I am sure this is going to be a hard time as it is probably going to open lots of wounds. But sometimes the wounds have to opened to let the poison out so that they can heal.
It has taken me two weeks just to let go of much of the stress that I have been feeling for months. There has been so much turmoil in our home. I can put my head on the pillow at night and not have to worry about where she is.
Steph will get out of treatment on August 5th. I know that coming home is going to be hard because the temptations will be here. But I also know that God is faithful to her and to me. He will walk her through this journey. She may have a relapse. I pray she doesn't. But if she does I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I have to let go and let God work on her. He knows the plan. I just have to go along with it.
