Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It's Been A Month Since I've Written???

A month is way too long to go without writing on my blog. I could make the usual excuses of being busy with summer gardening, canning, etc - not the case. It's been a very painful and emotional month for me and for Stephany. It has been one of the hardest periods of my life. I had to be able to find the right words to post on my blog.

If you are a regular reader then you know the struggles we have been going through with Stephany's drug use. She started outpatient treatment and things were going along pretty well for about a week. Then it went from bad to worse. After the last time that she ran away she quit smoking pot only to replace it with alcohol.

I talked to Steph's outpatient leader and we both agreed that she needed to go to inpatient treatment. Stephany agreed that she needed to go and on July 8th she checked into a facility near Yakima, WA. I had to spend two days there in parent meetings and both of us had to meet with psyhcologists. During that time Steph said she wasn't staying - I think she realized she wasn't going to be on vacation. In the state of Washington a child can make their own decisions about that kind of thing. She cried, begged, and pleaded. She got mad and lashed out at me. On Friday we had to meet with a counselor at 12:30 and when we were signing paperwork Steph looked at me and said "I assume by signing all these papers that means I'm staying." I just said a very matter of fact "yes." She was so angry with me that she would hardly tell me goodbye. We hugged and I walked out of the room and out of the door of the facility. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Steph has been there 2 weeks and has had some very rough days. She could have no contact with us for the first 7 days. That is a very good thing as that is a crucial time for a new patient. I was able to write to her and have sent her a letter every day. We got to talk for the first time last Thursday and I was amazed at how good she sounded. On Friday she had a very bad day and they let her call me. She said she wanted to quit and come home. I told her to give it through the weekend and we would talk on Sunday evening. When we talked on Sunday I could hear a strength in her voice that I haven't heard in a very long time. She said that she was staying because she was going to complete something that she committed to. That is a major step and something that hasn't happened for a couple of years.

Steph said that she is learning so much from the lectures, videos, and the AA meetings that she attends. She has to go to 2 meetings a week and really likes them.

But all of this has not happened by chance. It is God!!! So many people have been praying for her and I have made sure to let her know that. I have been in constant prayer for her. She is working hard and He is giving her the strength. Next Tuesday we have to go to her treatment facility to spend 3 days with her in family counseling. I am sure this is going to be a hard time as it is probably going to open lots of wounds. But sometimes the wounds have to opened to let the poison out so that they can heal.

It has taken me two weeks just to let go of much of the stress that I have been feeling for months. There has been so much turmoil in our home. I can put my head on the pillow at night and not have to worry about where she is.

Steph will get out of treatment on August 5th. I know that coming home is going to be hard because the temptations will be here. But I also know that God is faithful to her and to me. He will walk her through this journey. She may have a relapse. I pray she doesn't. But if she does I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I have to let go and let God work on her. He knows the plan. I just have to go along with it.


Renna said...

Bless your heart. That is so much to go through. I can't say I know how you feel, since I've not been in your shoes. I did go through something similar with my mom, dealing with my brother (an alcoholic). You have to rely on God's grace every day. His mercies are new every morning. He loves Steph even more than you.

jeannie said...

I have not come to read your blog in a while, and I am glad God sent me there today. I will pray for you and for Steph, and hope that she does not relapse, but has an ephiphany that lasts forever, and heals her forever. You are doing a good job, mom.

Cathy said...

Praying for you and your sweet daughter, Ms Kay! You are both very brave!!

Linda ★ Parker's Paradise said...

Oh, Kay. I hope God blesses her with strength and determination ( and you, as well ). I will offer all my prayers up for Steph and your whole family.
★ Linda ★

Char5 said...

Praying for you and for Stephany. God hears our prayers and is faithful to answer them. I pray that Stephany will come from this with a renewed strength and faith and that both of you will have a stronger bond because of this experience. Addiction is a horrible thing, but our God is bigger than any problem we have here on this old earth. I am sending my prayers, love and hugs your way.
Charlotte in WV

Julia said...

Oh Kay, How I am hugging you in my heart! Know I will continue to pray for you and Steph. I am learning again, that what God promises, He will provide. Hold fast, and lean hard. Lately my mantra has been, 'Is God sovereign? Yes. Is God faithful? Yes. If God is sovereign and he is faithful, then he is trustworthy.'
Hugs to you!

countrynmore said...

I pray that you and your daughter's strength to stay strong.

Nancy said...

I am married to a former drug addict and I am here to say just keep up the good fight and in the end you WILL be sucessful, I promise you all your hardship is not for nothing. It may be a long road but it is worth it.